Moms Get Lit Too
Updated: Sep 21, 2020
Most importantly, that being a mom, a great mom in fact, doesn’t have to mean sacrificing ALL of you.
I don’t think that I’m a typical mom. First of all, I don’t love babies….or other people’s kids if we’re being honest. I’m not one that gets googly eyed over small children or have any desire whatsoever to hold someone’s baby. I don’t pick up my kids early from grandma’s because I miss them so much. I very much enjoy my time away from them. I enjoy time with my husband without them. I enjoy time by myself without them. I enjoy time with my friends without them.
This society makes you feel like less of a woman, and especially less of a mother, if you’re not kid obsessed at every turn. I hear women say “yeah they were supposed to stay the weekend at grandma’s, but I couldn’t take it anymore, so I had to pick them up early.” Let me tell y’all something…..I have NEVER felt that (with the exception of the infant stage). I pick them up at the final buzzer from grandma’s, school, friend’s house, or wherever they are. If I happen to arrive early, I sit in the car until it’s the agreed upon time…..especially if it’s something that I’ve spent money on in earlier days like daycare, and more recently, basketball practice, swim lessons or gymnastics. And guess what, I ain’t sorry! LOL I love my kids with all my heart, and trust me, the breaks are the best for me, and in turn, for them too!
I also have a very dedicated and hands-on husband for a partner. Often times, I sit in rooms with other moms who express feeling frustrated, burned out, and like they have to do it all on their own, or the majority of the load, even with a husband or partner in the home. They wear it proudly like a badge of honor. I see this in every mom group I’ve ever been in. And then other mothers chime in saying “yes girl, we have to do it all around here.” I usually just sit there awkwardly silent because I can’t relate on any level. I do NOT do it all, and don’t want to. I didn’t have these children by myself and I feel absolutely no regret for having a true partner in raising my children.
This is what frees me up to be able to lead by example for my children. Every single day, my objective as a mother is to show them how to chase their dreams, how to not lose themselves to any relationship, even to their own children, and how to remain authentic to their true selves despite societal constructs that say otherwise. I show them to push back on gender roles and limitations set for them. Most importantly, that being a mom, a great mom in fact, doesn’t have to mean sacrificing ALL of you.
As mothers, we sacrifice enough, every single day. And that’s fine, it’s what we signed up for. But what we did not sign up for is not being our true and best selves. We didn’t sign up to take God’s grace and the visions he’s placed in us for granted. We didn’t sign up to take our friendships and relationships for granted and not take the time to nourish them any longer.
We have the right to pour our entire beings into our children. It’s our jobs to raise, nurture, teach, guide, and assist them in becoming what God called them to be. However, we don’t have the right to use them as a scapegoat for our laziness, procrastination, fears and insecurities. You didn’t not take that leap of faith because you’re a mother. You most likely talked yourself out of it by being your own worst critique. You allowed your insecurities to get the best of you. You wasted time on frivolous things that brought you no value, and then told yourself you didn’t have enough time. You allowed laziness to defeat you. You allowed circumstance to cripple you.
I know because I’ve done all of these things before I decided enough was enough. I decided Michelle would come first. I would prioritize my self-care and the time I need to recharge. I decided my career was also still important to me, and that there was nothing wrong with that. I identified the need to become a better scheduler, to arrange my daily priorities, and waste less time because falling behind the schedule makes it nearly impossible to catch back up. I fill my cup so that I can have something left to pour. This allows me to be a better mother. One with more patience, less stress, and minimal yelling.😊
Sure there will be people to judge you and make you feel like your mothering isn’t good enough. People will call you selfish for pursuing your own dreams after having children. People will think they have all the answers for your life, your household, and your children. My favorite out of this group are those without any children of their own. They have all the answers and know exactly what they would and wouldn’t ever do in life concerning their imaginary children. I used to get really annoyed by these types of comments, but now it’s literally funny. Most of all though, I feel bad for any woman who feels her self-worth is valued at how much she can overexert, overwhelm, and overwork herself, just to say she did it and to feel validated as a good mom. I can’t imagine that feels good at all, and I don’t want that for any woman.
I know that I’m a damn good mother and for me, motherhood is lit too! It’s the superpower that it takes to wear the many hats that motherhood entails. It’s the ability to balance competing priorities day in and day out between marriage, parenting, career and business, and have a damn good time doing it! Or for some, it’s the superpower of doing it on your own as a single mom, and still juggling career, business and trying to fit in dating. It’s the courage to continue climbing the corporate ladder, or the strength to decide to stay home when it’s the best option for your family’s needs. It’s the belief that motherhood strengthens you, not limits your potential. It’s the fact that moms can do it all! It’s the courage to do it your way, whichever way you choose, without apologies or excuses for anything that you want or don’t want to do. It’s the growth that allows you to forgive yourself for your mistakes along the way. That’s what I consider lit!
I’m not perfect by a long shot, but if my kids don’t learn anything else from me, they learn authenticity for sure. I am so grateful for that. All I can ask is that they live true to themselves, and never sacrifice their authenticity for anyone else’s comfort.
When the Mom-Unlimited brand sent me the shirt I’m wearing in my picture, I thought it was so dope! I told the CEO, Rudy Purvis, that I had the perfect blog post for this shirt. It inspired so much within me and I was so grateful for the opportunity to collab with a fellow mother and entrepreneur, who also didn’t allow motherhood to stop her dreams. In fact, this brand is so dope because it encompasses a kid’s branch, dedicated to her son, called Max-Unlimited. If that’s not SHOWING your child that they can do anything they work hard at, I don’t know what it is. Be sure to check them out on Instagram at @mom_unlimited and online at www.mom-unlimited.com.